This special time ...

Jane, the senior carer, kneeled by the side of my mum's bed - 

She's quieter with the patch she said - 

She'll have a review with the doctor tomorrow - 

I held my mum's hand - 

Make the most of these special times Jane said - 

11.00

Sunday 25 March 2018

Room 2 

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown 

The moment is coming ...

The moment is coming - 

I don't know when - 

These pale yellow walls know the moment is coming - 

Soon it will come - 

Whether it's hours or days I don't know whrn - 

But the momen is coming - 

18.17

Saturday 24 March 2018

Belmont Castle 

Staunton Road 

Hampshire 

The faces of angels ...

There were primroses in the churchyard - 

Snow had fallen upon their tender petals - 

Now the river was in flood - 

Old trees were lapped by chill water - 

The ford was too deep to cross - 

Penelope and I had walked through pines on the hilltop - 

A young stag bounded through coppiced beech and hazel - 

Yellow catkins were dusted with pollen - 

The church door was locked - 

We stood on tiptoe to look through the windows - 

At the end of each dark pew we saw carved the face of an angel - 

11.30

Friday 23 March 2018

Turnerspuddle

Dorset 

Art, Form 2, 1941 ...

My dad wrote his name and form on the front cover of his school sketchbook - 

J H Bradey Art Form 2 1941 - 

I turn the pages - 

He's drawn careful geometric shapes - 

An umbrella, tesselations, wheels, a wooden cask - 

Then he draws a cat - 

It looks out at the world with calm knowing eyes - 

Beyond the classroom, streets are transformed into gardens of ash - 

Bombers prowl the skies - 

Inside the school, the teacher marks the drawings with a heavy pencil - 

8 out 10 - 

9 out of 10 - 

Not finished - 

17.21

Thursday 22 March 2018

The Old School House

East Stoke

Dorset 

Poignant vinyl

Clearing out the wardrobe, I picked up a handful of poignant vinyl - 

There they were, the records I'd bought when I wore flowers in my hair - 

I remrmbered the mystery of A Whiter Shade of Pale, the melancholy of She's Leaving Home - 

09.29

Wednesday 21 March 2018

Staunton Road 

Havant 

Hampshire 

Each of her days ...

My mum's sleeping - 

The walls of her room are a pale yellow - 

Each of her days has led to this one - 

All of her worlds have become this one - 

15.35

Tuesday 20 March 2018

Room 2 

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown 

When Elvis came ...

The TV's chirruping in a corner of the room - 

My mum lies in her bed, clasping the elf Meghan gave her -

Sasha said my mum had loved Elvis when he came in - 

She'd danced to the rock and roll Sasha said - 

You should have seen her - 

12.35

Monday 19 February 2018

Room 2

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown

 

I have a map in my head ...

I have a map of the Belmont Castle world in my head - 

I know the people there - 

There's Courtney - .

There's Mr Gunter with his bowling trophies - 

There's the lady who asks me why she's there - 

There's the lounge with the gentle music - 

There's Uncle Bern - 

There's the shelf of Dennis Wheatley's - 

There's the stairway - 

There's the twisting corridors - 

There's my mum's room - 

There's her bed - 

There's the sky beyond the window - 

There's her smile - 

10.00

Sunday 18 March 2018

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown 

My special boy ...

The snow is falling from the white sky - 

Silence fills the kindly house - 

I watch my mum sleeping - 

Earlier, I'd stroked her forehead - 

I tried to understand the words she spoke to me - 

I remrmbered that once she'd called me her special boy - 

I'd walked with her in the innocent garden - 

Moment by moment I know that she is leaving me - 

I can still hear her gentle voice - 

You are my special boy - 

13.30

Saturday 17 March 2018

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown

The memories of photographs ...

I'm sitting with my mum who's lying in her last bed - 

She holds Anne's hand, then Jane's - 

Every so often, my mum points to a corner of the room, saying something we can't hear - 

Through the window I can see the garden of the Care Home - 

The sun casts shadows upon the lawn - 

Framed photographs offer their tender memories - 

11.30

Friday 16 March 2018

Belmont Castle 

Portsdown 

The whiteness of chalk ...

I'm watching the sunlight fall on the water - 

A chill stream flows over a bed of pebbles into the cove - 

on the slipway a fishing boat waits for the tide - 

Sometimes the water is a milky turquoise, then, once more, a steely blue - 

On the far side of the cove, hidden amongst low trees, is a stone house with a secret garden - 

The gate into the garden is opened once a year - 

I can hear waves hissing over the shingle - 

Seaweed has been cast up by last night's storm - 

I'm sitting here, missing the warmth of my grandson in my arms - 

I think how fragile yet how strong and strange love is - 

In a few moments, I will smell the salt in the wind blowing over the water - 

I will walk upon stones smoothed by the sea - 

I will feel the whiteness of the chalk - 

14.32

Thursday 15 March 2018

Lulworth Cove 

Dorset 

The waiting pages ...

The mower lunged forward, woken from its winter sleep - 

Spilled petrol chilled my fingers - 

I heaped up the cut grass - 

The last time I'd mowed this lawn, my dad still ruled his shrunken kingdom - 

I wondered what other kingdoms would fall this year - 

What words would I write on the waiting pages ? 

13.00

Wednesday 14 March 2018

The Old School House 

East Stoke 

Dorset 

Longing to wear a pilgrim's shell ...

Penelope and I walked the high chalk path from Durdle Door to Lulworth Cove - 

Far below us shining waves broke upon untrodden sand - 

A kestrel was a beautiful terrifying shape in the sky - 

The mod wind stirred the bright grass - 

Crows perched upon barbed wire fences - 

Roacks offshore were fringed with foam - 

Cliffs rose up from pristine coves - 

We talked about the Camino de Santiago - 

I remembered how Richard longed to wear a pilgrim's shell - 

The path might start in a Southsea street - 

We would lay down our burdens on a prayerful strand -  

14.32

Tuesday 13 March 2018

Isle of Purbeck

Dorset

Watching The Shape of Water ...

Paul and I are watching The Shape of Water - 

Raindrops course down the windows of the dark apartment - 

Tne research facility is like a Babylonian temple, buried deep under the Hopperesque city - 

We hear the gentle voice of the artist - 

A man with the face of a cruel angel drives a Cadillac de Ville - 

Carmen Miranda shakes her hips - 

There's anxiety about Cuba - 

The beautiful captive clasps the naked slender woman - 

He gives her a voice - 

Together they leave this hollow world - 

Rain continues to fall upon the city - 

20.00

Monday 12 March 2018

The Rex

Wareham 

Dorset

A new voice held my song ...

I held Wallace in my arms - 

When I held him my watch no longer counted minutes - 

I shed my dry skin of years - 

*

My story was rewritten - 

A new voice held my song  - 

15.00

Sunday 11 March 2018

The Old School House 

East Stoke

Dorset 

A shadow on the sand was proof of wonder ...

When Wallace smiled I walked in wonder - 

I knew no hurt - 

The world was newly made - 

The sea was warmed by a youthful sun - 

A shadow on the sand was proof of wonder - 

14.06

Saturday 10 March 2018

Swanage Bay 

Dorset 

Havana-Lied in the kitchen -

I turned on the radio in the car - 

It was Radio 3 - 

I remembered how my dad would listen to Record Review - 

He'd pour India Pale Ale into his glass - 

A musicologist would praise an obscure concerto - 

My mum would be cooking in the kitchen - 

My dad would add some Guiness to his ale - 

I'd hear Lotte Lenya singing Havana-Lied in the pristine lounge - 

15.00

Friday 9 March 2018

The Old School House 

East Stoke 

Dorset  

 

Two fishermen ...

I walked amongst shells cast up by the waves - 

Two fishermen had set up their lines - 

They stood motionless in their silence, gazing out at the dark blue sea - 

The flawless sky touched the margins of the world - 

16.02

Thursday 8 March 2018

Studland 

Dorset 

A depthless ocean ...

I'm listening to be second movement of The Symphony of Sorrowful Songs  - 

The beautiful anguished voice of the singer tends my heart - 

A depthless ocean swallows my tears - 

11.30

Wdnesday 7 March 2018

The Old School House

East Stoke 

Dorset 

Every step he'd taken ...

In the wardrobe, I found my dad's shoes - 

His suits had already been given away - 

There were his ted slippers, which he had refused to replace - 

There were the shoes he wore when he went to church - 

I held each pair in my hand - 

I saw before me every step he'd taken - 

15.11

Tuesday 6 March 2018

Staunton Road 

Havant 

When the man upstairs days stop ...

How old would you say I am ?

Paul, the carpet fitter, put away his carpet samples - 

I'm 73 - 

I'm 73 Chris - 

I love doing this - I love talking to people - 

But my knee is painful - 

I don't want the operation - 

The day after, they'll say - Paul, you have to stop - 

I don't want that - 

I'll carry on - 

I'll carry on until the man upstairs says stop - 

09.30

Monday 5 March 2018

Staunton Road

Havant 

The ghost of tools and hardware ...

We returned to Wickes this afternoon - 

I recognised the girl with purple hair - 

Before us were the familiar aisles, the mock up kitchens, the festoons of piping - 

Perhaps in some afterlife I'd linger here - 

I'd haunt these reefs of paint and tiles - 

I'd be the ghost of tools and hardware - 

10.47

Sunday 4 March 2017

Wickes 

Havant

Weather Special ...

I'm watching a Channel 4 Weather Special - 

A hearty presenter is brandishing his furry mike - 

Qahqais are cocooned in snow - 

A reporter kneels before a homeless man - 

Shame fils my heart, piece by frozen piece - 

19.23

Saturday 3 March 2918

The Old School House 

East Stoke

Dorset